Thinking Like a Writer: A Lawyer's Guide to Effective Writing & Editing by Stephen V. Armstrong & Timothy P. Terrell

Author:Stephen V. Armstrong & Timothy P. Terrell
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Practising Law Institute
Published: 2009-06-29T00:00:00+00:00

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Technique 1.5:

Especially when a sentence contains a series or another structure, make that structure explicit.

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If a sentence consists of more than a single clause, by definition it has a structure. As Technique 1.1 emphasized, the structure will not be as clear as it should be unless the sentence is chunked and the chunks are separated by punctuation. At times, however, especially when a sentence contains a series, you should use more blatant methods of signaling its structure. For example:

Before:

Section 548(a) of the Bankruptcy Code provides that the trustee in bankruptcy may avoid a transfer of a debtor’s interest in property or an obligation incurred by the debtor made within one year before the date of the filing of bankruptcy if there existed actual intent to defraud creditors or the debtor received less than reasonably equivalent value in the transfer and the debtor was insolvent prior to the transfer or was rendered insolvent by it.

Revision 1:

Section 548(a) of the Bankruptcy Code provides that the trustee in bankruptcy may avoid a transfer of a debtor’s interest in property, or an obligation incurred by the debtor, made within one year before the filing of bankruptcy in two circumstances: (a) there existed actual intent to defraud creditors or (b) the debtor received less than reasonably equivalent value in the transfer and was insolvent prior to the transfer or was rendered insolvent by it.

More drastic chunking might help even more, especially if combined with some attention to the sentence’s grammatical core:

Revision 2:

When a debtor’s interest in property, or an obligation incurred by the debtor, is transferred within a year before the filing of bankruptcy, the trustee in bankruptcy may avoid the transfer in two circumstances: (a) there existed actual intent to defraud creditors or (b) the debtor received less than reasonably equivalent value in the transfer and was insolvent prior to the transfer or was rendered insolvent by it. 11 U.S.C. § 548(a).

Revision 3:

When a debtor’s interest in property, or an obligation incurred by the debtor, is transferred within a year before the filing of bankruptcy, the trustee in bankruptcy may avoid the transfer if:

(a) there existed actual intent to defraud creditors, or

(b) the debtor received less than reasonably equivalent value in the transfer and was insolvent prior to the transfer or was rendered insolvent by it. 11 U.S.C. § 548(a).

Even when a sentence does not contain a list, you can sometimes clarify its structure by thinking twice about how to punctuate it:

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